about is this what you want?

Hi there, new friend.

Welcome to IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?, a newsletter where I write through the mess and beauty of living. I’ve had an infrequent writing practice since a child, always with a digital space where I could vent or write about my thoughts. I guess this is a new iteration fo that on Substack.

Here are topics I write about, but not limited to:

• body grief, chronic illness, and learning to live inside an unpredictable body

• heartbreak, love, and the complicated joy of being in relationship — with others, with myself, with the world

• rest, slowness, and resisting the grind of productivity culture

• my comfort hyper-fixations: books, music, recipes, and whatever else i’m obsessed with lately

• the small, sacred moments — dog walks with mayo and kaia, the golden hour on my windowsill, a fantastic cup of tea

I write from the body and from the heart, with honesty, curiosity, and care. This space is soft, raw, and real — a place where we can sit together in the questions. It’s also a deeply political space.

about me 🪷

Hi, I’m Christa (they/them) and I’ve lived many past lives. I like leading with identity-first language, so: I’m a queer, disabled, neurodivergent (ADHD BABY!!!), fat, non-binary Filipine-American. I was born and raised in Hawaii to Filipino immigrant-settlers.

I aspired to become a healthcare provider until chronic pain and unexpected symptoms left me wondering if I had capacity for the strenuous in-person components. I was working in clinical research and healthcare, and could hardly keep up with my 10-12 hour work days, with up to five or six hours of those on my feet, standing around in operating rooms or walking to other offices within the hospital complex. My body needed remote work: I was in so much pain, I would take sick days.

I’m perpetually hungry for knowledge, and find myself most alive when I’m traveling, writing, eating and being amongst loved ones. I write to make sense and meaning of the world and to connect to others. Including you. That’s why I’m here! To talk story, cry and mourn alongside you, and share and celebrate in your wins.

professional bio-

Christa Lei (they/them) is a writer and death worker born and raised in Hawaii. Their work has or will appear in Mouthful of Salt, Sick Comrade, HerStry, & Vast Chasm, amongst others. Their work has been supported by Tin House, DISQUIET, Southampton Writers Conference, and more. Christa is a seasoned facilitator and speaker with their appearances at the 2025 Southwest Love Fest and 2024 Midwest Love Fest. They live with their spouse and two dogs in New York. Find them at christalei.me or isthiswhatyouwant.org

• 🌿 website: christalei.me

supporting my work 💛

This newsletter is and will always be free — I believe in sharing my work widely and accessibly.

That said, this is my only stable source of income. As a disabled and neurodivergent writer, I appreciate the generosity of those who can support my work financially. Instead of paid subscriptions through Substack, I welcome contributions through my website:

👉 support my work at christalei.me

Whether it’s a one-time gift, or ongoing weekly or monthly patronage — every bit helps me keep writing, resting, and building this space.

Patronage comes with a few little gifts, including:

• first access to my new work

• invitations to special events, q&as, and supporter-only offerings

• more direct interaction and conversation with me

• and, of course, my endless gratitude

thank you for being here 🌿

Whether you can support financially, you are part of this space—and I’m so grateful for that.

If something you read here resonates, share it, reply to it, or just quietly hold it close.

With care,
Christa