Procrastination is my fave ADHD superpower/curse

Tunnel vision for writing everything but the essay(s) I need to work on

Image description: A two-tone red and silver Subaru Baja is parked on a wet street at night in front of a brick apartment building.

By the time you get this message, I’ll be en-route to Portugal for a few weeks.

Presumably, I’ll have done the following:

1. Cleaned the house for our dog sitter, including the infinite laundry void at the end of the hallway

2. Packed enough, but not too much.¹

3. Extended, refined and polish a decent enough draft to submit for a conference workshop (which is due this week, and at the time of writing this— haven’t started yet!)

4. Paid off any outstanding bills or payments for these writing opportunities.

Instead, here’s what I’ve worked on:

1. An essay about how I found out I was allergic to cats.² IYKYK, and if you don’t, you’re missing out.³

2. Revamping my website, including copy.⁴

3. Furiously stalking Submittable, Duosama and multiple e-mail accounts for acceptances and rejections.⁵

4. Frantically editing other pieces for submission while absorbing the publication’s style and betting on myself.

I’m in the last stretches of time here in Brooklyn before an extended period of travel, so I’ve stockpiled on my medication, attempted to wrap loose ends⁶ and played 60 rounds of Balatro. My therapist and I had our penultimate session, where she catalogued her therapeutic technique in excruciating detail and I chimed in to provide feedback where I could. I’ve written about breaking up with my long-term therapist of seven years before, and catalogued how I ended things through text.

---

Rejection as a sport

As someone who not only has the rejection-sensitive dysphoria of ADHD but also ~complex PTSD~, you’d think I would feel worse about my track record but apparently publishing is dead. I see the rejections as proof that I either need to work on it, and then submit it somewhere else. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I can’t say it doesn’t sting because WHY CANT THEY SEE HOW AMAZING MY WRITING IS?!?! !!!!(!$:$$:!

But art (especially taste) is subjective. 🤷🏻‍♀️ What works for one, doesn’t work for a handful. That’s why I’ve invested in workshops and working with writers who’ve been at it longer than me. I look forward to continued annihilation of my ego.⁷ As most writers know—especially the disabled amongst us—our art is a solitary one. But having someone’s eyes on your work brings a humbling perspective, and helps me grow.

---

See you in a month or so!

If I do send a newsletter, it’ll most likely be sporadic and raw. I will be in non-stop writing community for the next month, but my capacity is dwindling after churning out 2,000 extra words for workshop. 🤡 Besides, we all need a break from this… news cycle.

I hope you take care of yourselves in the meantime.

All my love and more,

C x

1. I made this mistake in Spain. I realised I didn’t even wear 60% of my packed wardrobe

2. the first draft which I read at Bear and Fifi’s Pride Variety Show & Open Mic this past weekend.

3. A tale that’s even stranger than fiction.

4. Look, you should visit it. It looks better than it did before. I’m trying to ~brand myself, mama~

5. So far, this week I’m at 3 rejections: 0 acceptances. One of the rejections came with the e-mail subject line “Pos Rej for Single Piece,” which— if a form rejection—I’ll take as a win. The universe loves to humble me in mysterious ways.

6. This mainly pertains to my work with my therapist, who I’ve mentioned on social platforms, is restructuring their practice due to personal reasons. I’m sad, but hey. It happens.

7. Pray 4 me? Nah, write with me and give me feedback to become a better writer okay!??!