i don't want to write anything this week

I talk about my feelings,

Transcript:

[00:00:00] Christa: Welcome to my podcast. It's a strange feeling to record something like this, especially because I'm being very conscious about what I'm saying. I don't have a script.

[00:00:16] Some of these podcasts are just for me to let my thoughts out and I just don't feel like writing anything down now. It's pretty hard for me to want to do that, especially because I've just spent the last, I don't know, the last three days trying to get a study schedule down and a new routine. I've pretty much overextended myself socially and mentally for the entire rest of the year. This is where I'm at post retro grade. This is what happens. You fucking live your life and you make the choices you make and here I am.

[00:00:54] I think being an astrologer, I get a lot of questions when [00:01:00] people find out. I will usually, besides having people immediately bombard me with their chart placements. I get a lot of questions of “how did you get into that? Or what was that like?”

[00:01:13] Honestly, I'll just tell you what it's like. It's a lot of fun working with new clients and meeting new people. I think most of my colleagues would agree with me that they don't get into this position and don't become an astrologer without feeling a need for service towards people.

[00:01:36] At least that's most of the answers that I hear from the astrologer colleagues that I interact with. And talk to on a semi-regular basis. I love being an astrologer. I say that I wouldn't do it full-time because I have other career aspirations and ambitions. I'm currently in the middle of [00:02:00] a huge transitional shift in my life. And that sounds very woo-woo white wellness minimalist bullshit. But I've spent a lot of time feeling guilty and feeling a lot of shame around my passions and the fact that I am neurodivergent, I have ADHD. I have all of these things that make up who I am. They're seen as mental illnesses, but I also have chronic illnesses. I have a body that does not fucking work part of the time and it's excruciating.

[00:02:33] So I know this is going to be very roundabout and right now I'm not talking about astrology directly, but I promise my rants and my ADHD self eventually gets back to it. And if I don't, fuck it. You're on my podcast. Anyway, it's my podcast. I had to do whatever the fuck I want. I'm recording this with my pug in the room. So if you do hear snoring, I do have studio sound on, so you shouldn't hear him, but if you do that's him. He's a little puggie and I love him and he's my [00:03:00] baby.

[00:03:00] I think one of the reasons I got into astrology besides like always being generally interested in it, was that it provided this way of thinking and this view of the world that seemed complementary to my studies and not something that took away from it. So I was trained in psychology. I was a community psychologist. So it's a lot of auditing a lot of programs and social systems. It's the public health of psychology. And I eventually wanted to get into med school.

[00:03:36] I come from a family of healthcare workers, nurses, and doctors, and obviously being Filipino, that's something that is ingrained as a first-generation immigrant in my head. As I was taking all these classes, I dealt with these compounding issues of not actually taking care of my body and my health. And I was very chronically ill from, from birth. Not from birth, but as a kid, I was sick and I [00:04:00] would say it got worse because I would avoid it. Which is a whole other story. I was also dealing with this reckoning of, I was a very smart, motivated student in college. When I was self-motivated and didn't want to do certain things. I was still learning how to adjust my ADHD, living with and also getting into relationship and dealing with this very high pressure program. And I buckled under the pressure. I had been in school since I was a kid, I had no breaks off. I would even spend summer vacations ,you know the time where people are supposed to like rest, I would spend that in summer school. In Hawaii, I grew up in Hawaii for those don't know . A lot of parents send their kids to summer school because the public school education system there is one of the worst in the country because of the lack of resources and funding that the DOE has.

[00:04:48] The teachers there are amazing. I did not go to a public school myself. I went to a private school. Which is also a thing that happens in Hawaii. Families send their kids to private schools, even though they can't really afford it [00:05:00] because they just have so much of a quote unquote, better education than those in public schools. But as we know now, a lot of public schools just don't have the funding for them. We just don't invest in our school systems and we don't tax for that. Or we allocate the budget to like police.

[00:05:16] Anyway, what I'm saying is I found astrology at a time where I was in crisis. I had always been attracted to it beforehand, as a kid reading horoscopes in the newspaper and looking up my horoscopes online on astrology.com or horoscopes.com or some bullshit like that. I would even sit with my friend in math class.

[00:05:38] You don't, you shouldn't have a laptop in math class. You don't need a laptop for math, unless you're like. Maybe an iPad I get. Cause you can like do work on like an iPad and have a stylus, but a laptop? I'm aging myself here, but I did not have that type of technology in high school. In high school, I would sit as a freshmen in math class [00:06:00] with my laptop that I had from home. I brought my personal laptop to school.

[00:06:03] And I would sit there during math class reading horoscopes. With my one of, one of my closest friends. And that's what we would do during math class. It was a shock that our teachers did not say anything. Maybe they did. I just think that teachers didn't know how to deal with technology in the classroom back in the late naughts. I don't know if teachers knew how to deal with it with this growing technology problem in class anyway. So I would just sit there with my classmate reading horoscopes and I didn't get a full chart reading until I graduated and lived in Oakland and went to grad school. And I had my first professional reading through a YouTuber who was a YouTube astrologer, but it really changed the way I saw things. And I started to go into more informal studies and eventually in 2020, during the pandemic, I didn't want to work in person cause I was immunocompromised. See it links in with the [00:07:00] body.

[00:07:01] Astrology and learning astrology and putting myself into it was really the best course of action for me during the early days of the pandemic. I had nothing else to do. I was building community with these wonderful people I had met online through the queer astrology conference. And I was networking and meeting people and getting my name out there and trying to attend events online. Cause it was lower key for me.

[00:07:25] After some formal study, I opened my practice mostly for beginners. I still see a lot of beginners, but I'm tending to see a lot of creatives now. Thanks to coronavirus for helping me start this business and becoming a professional. I really have Colin Bedell of queer cosmos to thank for that because I had a reading with him when I was younger.

[00:07:45] And he was really one of the people who ushered me in and urged me to do this on a professional. So I really thank him for that. i love him to death, he has been such an incredible resource for me so thank you, Colin.

[00:07:59] [00:08:00] It's been a trip to look back on how much my practice has grown even in the last year. I spent 2021 trying to build a foundation for my future career. As I said, there's a lot of things that go into the logistics of trying to build a foundation. And I was also in the middle of my fucking Saturn return.

[00:08:26] Saturn pummeled me and it's still pummeling me, but I love Saturn. I have so much a greater appreciation for Saturn. Post the triple pass for myself.

[00:08:40] I really have grown over the last couple of years. And I think it shows. I'm really proud of myself for the collaborations and community I've built. Truly a Libra sun in that most, most of my work is through collaborations and relationships. And also it's so fun getting to know [00:09:00] people and my clients one-on-one. I haven't had to pay for a tattoo since I started my practice. And if I have it's because the person wasn't interested in trading. I love my clients so much. Yeah, but I'm also learning that I like astrology because it helps me meet people and build relationships with them. Even though I have pain or even on days where I feel so stressed out and I---

[00:09:34] This has been a really tough sixth house profection year for me. I just turned 30. So now I'm in a again, a Saturn ruled, seventh house profection year, for those who aren't into astrology, it is a timing technique called annual profections. There's really great resources out there. I am happy to help teach you it if you'd like.

[00:09:55] For the last year, from my last, for my 29th birthday on to my [00:10:00] 30th. I was in a six house Saturn ruled profection year. And I did not really process it as much as I should have. Because I was also dealing with my Saturn return and dealing with the relationships and going through therapy. And also because my Saturn is angular. So I was dealing with it in all aspects of my life and it was just chaos. So honestly, the last year of my life has been really challenging because I had some really fucked up Issues with my body and I am already chronically ill. I am already dealing with living in a vessel that doesn't always work to my advantage.

[00:10:50] And going through therapy has also taught me that. And also just seeing people like. The one thing that I will give to social media is [00:11:00] that when you really need to view something happy it is there or something inspiring, you can find it. It is at your fingertips. Anyway, I think, and I've been thinking about it a lot because of all the things that are happening in the world right now, people's bosses losing focus. No shade.

[00:11:16] One of the things that I think I've realized through living with this chronic illness and through entering the sixth house year and trying to navigate my own life while also being receptive and holding space for others.

[00:11:35] One of the most important things I learned is that even though I live in this body. And I am made up of all these things: I am not my body. I don't always love my body. I don't always love myself. Being a human is fucking hard. It is one of the hardest things to deal with because we are constantly [00:12:00] in relation with so many other things.

[00:12:03] I have a lot of thoughts on the subject, but living as a person is complex. Because inherently you are inviting people into relation, not just people, but spirits, land. If you have pets, your pets are in relation with you.

[00:12:21] We are constantly inviting ourselves to be in relationship with something or someone or some spirit or whatever. And that's hard because a lot of things, don't match up a lot of expectations. A lot of communications go awry. Things do not always match perfectly.

[00:12:44] Living a life worth being proud of, and being alive for is a struggle.

[00:12:51] As you can tell. I am very Venusian. I'm ruled by my Libra sun.

[00:12:57] A lot of my motivations are [00:13:00] to spread love wherever I go. And sometimes that love comes in the form of someone who will listen, someone who will hold space with you. And sometimes it takes someone to guide you practically and like slap you upside the head. I don't condone violence or like corporal punishment or anything like that, but sometimes it takes someone to fucking slap you upside the head.

[00:13:22] And be like, BITCH, this is what you're missing. And that's what my Saturn return was. It was Saturn smacking me against the face and pushing me against a wall and throwing me off a cliff. And being like, you got to deal with this shit. You can't just avoid it anymore.

[00:13:41] And that's why I love astrology because the timing worked out for me. My natal chart gave me a foundation on which to stand upon and which to understand myself and the waves that I move around the world. And it gave me a meaning for that. I don't necessarily think that astrology is prescriptive. I [00:14:00] think we have these aspects. We all have archetypes within us. And we embody certain aspects of it and certain planets will come out stronger than others at certain times. It's all situational. It is what I like to use astrology for is a tool for growth. Growth and expansion. Very Jupiterian but it's also Saturnian and in that:

[00:14:22] How are you placing boundaries around yourself? And this is what I've also had to learn with my astrology practice, because I can talk about it for fucking hours. I have literally had conversations about it, where I've made friends because it's so fun talking about it and so fun, like roasting people and being that person who can pull out that party trick out of a hat.

[00:14:45] But with the growth that I've experienced, I also had to learn fucking boundaries. Like I do not want you in my DMS asking me how to read a goddamn chart. Please book with me. Do not [00:15:00] ever. Ever, unless you're friends with them. And even if you are friends with them, Go through email or if you're going to DM your friend who offers a service be like, Hey, I'm interested in booking with you, but I'm a little nervous because of X, Y, and Z.

[00:15:16] I wasn't offended. One of my best friends from college did not get a reading with me. And I understand why I, we know each other too well. They wanted their privacy and I get that. And in those instances: I would have loved to read for them, but I understand why they didn't choose me. They want someone who doesn't have that perspective in their life.

[00:15:35] And I get that. I might not be the astrologer for you. I am fucking terrible at a lot of things. And I know where my, I know what, like I don't do, I don't do medical astrology, even though I have healthcare background. I don't do that because it's not in my scope of practice. And honestly, the body's going to do what it wants anyway. So I don't have to like, look at the stars for that [00:16:00] shit. I will say, if you want to elect things medically, go ahead. I just don't think that, and this is a very hot take to some people because I know, and I don't knock you for that for loving medical astrology. I just don't think you can really diagnose right without also doing other tests. Anyway, that is a whole other story I have gone on for about 10 minutes now. I think even more than that, cause it's my recording is... I'm also using a different software, so whatever. This is just what I feel. I hope you enjoy it. I hope it made sense if it doesn't again, fuck it. You don't have to listen to it.

[00:16:41] I hope you all have a happy Friday and a good weekend. I will be at Comic-Con staring at Sam Heughan's body the entire time.

[00:16:51] Wish me luck. I want to seduce that Taurus.

[00:16:56] I'm totally fucking around. I am not his type. [00:17:00] Also, he has I don't know, fucking dozens of women in his DMS. So I don't really give a shit. I love my life. I love what I'm doing I'm just excited for Comic-Con, excited to stare at his hot body, excited to stare at other people's hot bodies while I'm masked.

[00:17:16] Please fucking people wear a mask. If you're in a crowd still. Have a wonderful Friday and rest of your weekend. And thank you for listening to me, bitch. Love y'all.