A Quick Check-In

Christa Lei (they/them) speaks about their life, what it looks like with an endometriosis diagnosis, and waxes on about transition.

Midwest Love Fest 2024: Use code 'CHRISTALEI' for 10% off registration. Click here to check it out!

Mentioned/References:

Resmaa Menakem: https://resmaa.com/

Millie, my pelvic floor therapist: https://www.med-bar.com/team (if you see her, let her know I sent you!)

---

Automated Show Transcript (sorry, I don’t have the spoons to do it myself right now, so apologies):

(00:00:01):

Hey, everyone.

(00:00:02):

This is Christa from Is This What You Want?

(00:00:06):

And I'm here hosting my first podcast episode of 2024.

(00:00:11):

I know it's taken long enough.

(00:00:17):

I promised this a while ago.

(00:00:19):

So whoopsie daisy.

(00:00:22):

I am here now.

(00:00:23):

But part of the reason I wanted to make this episode is because I'm going to be on

(00:00:26):

a shit ton of other podcasts this summer.

(00:00:29):

Spoiler alert.

(00:00:30):

Leading up to my presentation at Midwest Love Fest this year, August 17th, 2024.

(00:00:40):

Um, it's, uh, SW love fest.com.

(00:00:44):

And then you can click the Midwest love fest.

(00:00:47):

Also the links in my bio and in my events on my website and also kind of everywhere.

(00:00:54):

I, if you read, is this what you want?

(00:00:55):

I'll probably even post like the link there.

(00:00:58):

So, um,

(00:00:59):

Yeah,

(00:01:00):

if you want to go see me talk about disability justice framework,

(00:01:05):

which is like care webs,

(00:01:06):

care plan,

(00:01:08):

pod mapping,

(00:01:09):

which I call constellation mapping.

(00:01:13):

And yeah, those things in the frameworks of non-monogamy and decolonizing the nuclear system.

(00:01:20):

uh cis het mononormative relationships um please join me uh you can get 10 off

(00:01:28):

registration fees uh with my code CHRISTALEI that is c-h-r-i-s-t-a-l-e-i

(00:01:36):

um i'm really not going to do much editing when it comes to this uh first episode

(00:01:41):

just because it's kind of quick and dirty and i'm really just trying to see what it

(00:01:45):

sounds like um i recorded like five minutes of this already and it turns out my mic

(00:01:49):

was on freaking mute so hey love that for me um i probably won't post the video but

(00:01:57):

we'll see i don't know um

(00:02:00):

Maybe I'll be vulnerable with y'all.

(00:02:03):

But yeah, the reason I'm doing this is because I've always wanted to try it.

(00:02:07):

But I also just like the way my voice sounds because I'm vain and gross and whatever.

(00:02:14):

No, I think...

(00:02:17):

What comes out in conversation is much different than what comes out on the written page.

(00:02:23):

Right.

(00:02:24):

And I come across a little different both ways.

(00:02:27):

I'm a little I'm not going to say I'm a little more polished in writing because I

(00:02:32):

think part of the reason why my writing resonates with some people is because it's

(00:02:37):

so raw.

(00:02:38):

and fresh and visceral and emotional.

(00:02:40):

I don't know.

(00:02:40):

That's what people have told me in the past.

(00:02:43):

It's been a long time since I've built up the practice to do it again.

(00:02:49):

So yeah, this is also a journey for me.

(00:02:52):

But I'm going through kind of a weird state of transition in my life.

(00:03:00):

I obviously don't want to comment on it too much since I'm still very fresh in it and

(00:03:05):

processing and honoring everyone else that has been along this journey with me.

(00:03:11):

And so that's all I'll say about that.

(00:03:15):

But on the bright side, you know, I don't need surgery yet.

(00:03:23):

So that's one of the things I'm going to talk about today is content and trigger warnings.

(00:03:27):

Like I'm going to talk about body horror stuff,

(00:03:29):

like stuff about the body,

(00:03:30):

stuff about the reproductive system that

(00:03:35):

and medical stuff,

(00:03:36):

and also medical trauma,

(00:03:37):

and just like a person of color,

(00:03:40):

a person of global majority,

(00:03:43):

a lot of racialized and intergenerational trauma that belongs in our DNA.

(00:03:51):

And I'll also probably talk about a lot of that stuff,

(00:03:54):

and if I do have any show notes or sources,

(00:03:58):

I will put that in the description on Substack,

(00:04:02):

if that's where I decide to release this one.

(00:04:04):

knows probably um and yeah because of all this stuff going on i probably won't

(00:04:11):

write a lot of new articles for a little bit just because it's it's been hard for

(00:04:18):

me um

(00:04:20):

given my my coping with multiple stages of grief and also multiple types of grief

(00:04:27):

collectively too I know I know it's been really hard for a lot of us watching

(00:04:31):

watching genocide happen in front of us and one of the things that amongst all the

(00:04:38):

grief that I've been experiencing is just like a collective grief that I want to

(00:04:43):

like sit with and acknowledge and it's painful and

(00:04:46):

You know, I have the privilege to come out as a queer, non-binary person of color, as a body of culture.

(00:04:54):

I'm using that from Resna Menakem's understanding and terminology.

(00:04:59):

But, you know, for me, it's...

(00:05:05):

for me it's been hard to sit with some of the stuff that's been happening and it's

(00:05:08):

been really challenging,

(00:05:10):

especially because of like API heritage month,

(00:05:14):

you know,

(00:05:14):

sitting and having lost friends based off of their Zionist beliefs.

(00:05:21):

I'm going to get a lot of shit for this, but like, I need to stand up for what's right.

(00:05:25):

Right.

(00:05:26):

So like, yeah, free Palestine.

(00:05:28):

What's happening in Gaza and Rafa is like fucking terrible.

(00:05:31):

And,

(00:05:32):

yeah and yahoo's a fucking shit show and i know it's very nuanced but just like the

(00:05:37):

black lives matter stuff was not about like you and you centering yourself as like

(00:05:43):

assumingly a white person um oh i'm gonna get in trouble for that um i don't

(00:05:51):

understand the nuances of the issue but

(00:05:54):

from what I have read, heard, and seen, I cannot stand for genocide.

(00:05:59):

I cannot stand for this government, our government as the United States.

(00:06:05):

I live in the US, unfortunately.

(00:06:09):

And so seeing my government not do anything about this,

(00:06:12):

and most of the people and most constituents don't think we should be involved in

(00:06:17):

giving money to aid

(00:06:20):

genocide um i you know this is still a platform they're like what 300 of you and

(00:06:25):

still i want all 300 of you to know that like my integrity lies in speaking out

(00:06:31):

against um speaking up for palestine for people who have you know settler

(00:06:41):

colonialism i'm really bad at being an academic um not good at it um

(00:06:51):

But yeah, anyway, so that's part of collective grief, right?

(00:06:55):

I can hold that.

(00:06:56):

I can name that.

(00:06:58):

I can let that flow through.

(00:07:03):

More personally, I think it's been hard because I've been on this health journey for a long time.

(00:07:10):

I'll eventually write about it, I think.

(00:07:12):

But as of the last couple of years, ever since getting my IUD in...

(00:07:21):

i started and like i said content warning this is gonna be gross body shit but

(00:07:25):

whatever you're in it now eight minutes in you're you're in it now so you're gonna

(00:07:30):

have to deal with it um and if not shut it off shut it off at any time like you you

(00:07:34):

have all my permission to take care of yourself that is what you should be doing um

(00:07:40):

but uh 2021 i got this this kylena in um this hormonal iud that is meant for people

(00:07:47):

who have not had a baby um it's smaller so like not as painful as you enter um and

(00:07:57):

to be quite honest it was a really traumatic experience for me um

(00:08:02):

Not knowing what I know now about my body, having to get the IUD in alone.

(00:08:07):

I went by myself to be told all I have to do is take a Tylenol, which I did.

(00:08:14):

It still fucking hurt.

(00:08:18):

And to have my doctor dismiss me when I kept on trying to advocate for myself as I

(00:08:25):

was dealing with the process of adjusting to this IUD and the terrible,

(00:08:30):

terrible side effects it had for me.

(00:08:33):

So, yeah, it was really traumatic for me.

(00:08:35):

I don't love to relive that.

(00:08:37):

And I'm sure other people who aren't cishet white appearing people,

(00:08:42):

specifically men,

(00:08:43):

right,

(00:08:45):

who don't have to deal with this issue and like don't have to deal with like being

(00:08:48):

gaslit and like dealing with providers who just don't have the time or capacity for

(00:08:53):

them or the expertise.

(00:08:54):

Right.

(00:08:55):

So, yeah, I stuck with this.

(00:08:58):

I can't believe I stuck with this doctor for so long.

(00:09:02):

But it was really painful for me.

(00:09:03):

And I noticed after getting my IUD and that I would like throw up once a month.

(00:09:09):

It took me about a year to realize and track that.

(00:09:13):

I thought it was other things like I started going to acupuncture regularly and it

(00:09:16):

was like,

(00:09:16):

oh,

(00:09:16):

I thought it was the cold because the cold like really makes me want to throw up.

(00:09:21):

And it also explains a lot of my other symptoms.

(00:09:24):

Essentially, like we're what now three years into this, three years into this.

(00:09:30):

to this.

(00:09:31):

And at the beginning of the year,

(00:09:32):

I switched doctors because I kept on having pelvic pain and my pelvic,

(00:09:39):

sorry,

(00:09:39):

my primary care physician,

(00:09:41):

I switched to a primary care physician,

(00:09:42):

different primary care physician.

(00:09:45):

And she was like, you know,

(00:09:47):

I know you're in the middle of seeing a specialist for this,

(00:09:51):

but I think I want to send you to a pelvic floor therapist.

(00:09:54):

And I wrote an essay about this.

(00:09:56):

I love my pelvic floor therapist, Millie.

(00:09:59):

I'll put her link in the bio.

(00:10:04):

She's wonderful.

(00:10:05):

She was one of the first providers who believed me and was like,

(00:10:09):

yeah,

(00:10:09):

I think you should go to a specialist and see them for endometriosis.

(00:10:14):

And I don't have to talk about endometriosis.

(00:10:17):

I don't know.

(00:10:18):

The fucked up thing about it is there's no real way to diagnose it other than going for surgery.

(00:10:24):

And essentially,

(00:10:26):

what was happening in the last six months has been me figuring out if I have it in

(00:10:32):

the first place.

(00:10:34):

My doctors and I think that I do based off the symptoms and how long it's been and

(00:10:39):

seeing how my body reacts to medical management of it.

(00:10:43):

And yeah, I got a new IUD in and I took support with me, which was good.

(00:10:49):

I had a good support system with me during that.

(00:10:53):

So I'm very grateful for that person who held my hand during that really traumatic time.

(00:10:59):

But

(00:11:02):

And yeah,

(00:11:03):

it's I switched to a higher dosage IUD because progestins and progesterone in general,

(00:11:13):

you want to it's basically like from what my understanding is and I'm I'm a

(00:11:18):

decently smart person.

(00:11:20):

I come from some privilege.

(00:11:22):

I have I have doctors in the family.

(00:11:24):

Right.

(00:11:25):

I worked in health care for a long time.

(00:11:26):

I understand, you know, being someone who is disabled and like knowing my body well.

(00:11:30):

I knew it was up.

(00:11:32):

But from my understanding,

(00:11:34):

because there's not a lot of research done right,

(00:11:36):

obviously,

(00:11:37):

no one wants to spend money on anyone but cishet white men.

(00:11:42):

Fucked up.

(00:11:43):

But

(00:11:46):

from my understanding,

(00:11:47):

uh,

(00:11:49):

the imbalance of hormones on endometriosis,

(00:11:51):

like having more estrogen is the enemy.

(00:11:54):

So a combination of things with my hormonal health were happening.

(00:11:59):

Um, with the Kyleena, essentially it was just enough progestin.

(00:12:02):

And my body was also rebounding from all the hormones that I've been on over the years.

(00:12:07):

I have PCOS amongst other things.

(00:12:09):

And PCOS at that time, when I was diagnosed almost half my life ago, um,

(00:12:16):

they didn't really know how to treat it you know they they kind of just threw

(00:12:19):

hormones at it and i do love that doctor and i think she's still working i don't

(00:12:23):

know if she like fully retired but girl props to you um she did my first surgery it

(00:12:30):

was my first surgery um yeah no she's great she uh she's my she was my mom's

(00:12:37):

gynecologist so she's cool um shout out to

(00:12:42):

Dr. Yamada, you're great.

(00:12:47):

But yeah, you know, we didn't have a lot of information back then.

(00:12:49):

And, you know, Hawaii is a small place.

(00:12:52):

I'm from Hawaii.

(00:12:52):

I was born and raised there to immigrant parents, as I'm fairly open about.

(00:12:59):

But yeah,

(00:13:00):

there's just not a lot of special,

(00:13:01):

you know,

(00:13:02):

one of the things that I'm really grateful for this year,

(00:13:05):

I have ADHD,

(00:13:05):

so I'm going to jump around from place to place.

(00:13:07):

You're just going to have to deal with it.

(00:13:10):

One of the things I'm really grateful for is I was really with all my hopes and

(00:13:15):

dreams and all this stuff.

(00:13:16):

I really thought I was going to move back home within the next year or two.

(00:13:20):

And maybe I will.

(00:13:21):

I don't know.

(00:13:23):

But the problem with being on a small island state is that the resources aren't as great.

(00:13:29):

So there weren't as many specialists and I ended up looking for a bunch and most of

(00:13:33):

them had to do with fertility.

(00:13:34):

And to be honest with you,

(00:13:35):

like as a non-binary person who did go to a fertility doctor and a reproductive

(00:13:42):

specialist to inquire about freezing embryos and eggs and such.

(00:13:47):

And also actually like, all right, the pro tip and life advice, life hack.

(00:13:52):

I will have these life hacks, I think, scattered throughout little nuggets and gems.

(00:13:57):

If you are thinking of having a child and you're chronically ill,

(00:14:01):

you should ask your doctor,

(00:14:04):

specifically your gynecologist,

(00:14:07):

if they will do a preconception consultation with you.

(00:14:11):

And that's about an hour fully like an hour, hour.

(00:14:14):

And I think mine was an hour and a half.

(00:14:16):

That's the one thing my traumatic experience from the practice that I was working

(00:14:21):

at was,

(00:14:22):

is that she was like,

(00:14:23):

I'm not going to be able to handle her care.

(00:14:25):

You're a very complex case because you're chronically ill.

(00:14:28):

But I will make an appointment with this person who is a high risk obstetrician

(00:14:32):

gynecologist that can help you.

(00:14:34):

And we'll explain it.

(00:14:35):

And she booked about, it's about an hour, hour and a half of full just talking one-on-one with,

(00:14:40):

The physician will review your chart and it's called a preconception consultation.

(00:14:45):

I think those are super important.

(00:14:48):

Essentially,

(00:14:49):

she explained to me that as someone with my chronic illnesses,

(00:14:52):

that carrying a full pregnancy to term and having a baby would be really hard for

(00:14:58):

me in my lifestyle.

(00:15:01):

Given that I'm on so many medications and given that I'm used to with everything

(00:15:07):

going on,

(00:15:08):

I do rely on medical advice.

(00:15:10):

interventions alternative medical interventions um yeah basically like they they

(00:15:20):

don't want you to smoke weed obviously and like have weed and i get it you don't

(00:15:25):

know what's gonna do

(00:15:26):

But they were like, yeah, if you told me that, I would threaten to call the pigs.

(00:15:32):

So I was like, no, I don't want to deal with that and tell your social worker or whatever.

(00:15:36):

I was like, no, I don't want to deal with that.

(00:15:37):

Let's not.

(00:15:39):

But part of it is I would have had to stop taking some pretty

(00:15:42):

life-saving medication and then my lifestyle would drastically change and

(00:15:48):

essentially they told me starting at like at the third the beginning of the third

(00:15:52):

trimester and the end of the second trimester if I had a baby I would have to

(00:15:56):

essentially go to the doctor two to three times a week which is basically like a

(00:16:00):

full-time job for me anyway as a disabled person so it's a second job and

(00:16:07):

You know, I have now seen what hormones have done to me.

(00:16:10):

And it's funny because when people talk about endometriosis,

(00:16:13):

one of the cures,

(00:16:14):

quote unquote,

(00:16:15):

is pregnancy.

(00:16:16):

And honestly, like, nah.

(00:16:21):

And yeah, it's also really hard as a queer non-binary person to like deal with.

(00:16:25):

deal with this shit um dealing with the reproductive system that i was born with

(00:16:32):

and having to cope with these issues even though i don't necessarily kind of

(00:16:38):

identify as like a female anymore um yeah so it's been hard it's been i think a lot

(00:16:45):

of that deep grief um in my body has it's you know it's

(00:16:52):

I'll be very frank with you and say it's been really challenging to have to learn and have to readjust.

(00:16:59):

A lot of hopes and dreams, it's kind of an existential crisis for me in that disability is stifling.

(00:17:07):

It is...

(00:17:14):

it limits me to what my capabilities are,

(00:17:17):

but it brings me the blessing of knowing what those things are and knowing when to

(00:17:21):

slow down and stop and take a breath and explore like what these negative emotions

(00:17:30):

or feelings are in my body.

(00:17:31):

And, you know, it's also kind of a spiritual thing.

(00:17:34):

Right.

(00:17:35):

Um, so yeah, it's, it's been, it's been a minute.

(00:17:43):

Um,

(00:17:45):

something i'm looking forward to amidst all the tldr i don't have to get surgery

(00:17:51):

yet i say yet because obviously like with medical management and essentially with

(00:17:58):

endo you can only be diagnosed through surgery so i don't technically know if i

(00:18:01):

have it though we pretty are pretty sure that i do given everything at all my

(00:18:07):

symptoms and reporting um

(00:18:11):

And yeah, it feels weird.

(00:18:15):

I think the body grief that I feel, the being disconnected to my body is so weird.

(00:18:23):

I've also spent the last year with a new therapist.

(00:18:27):

I am going to talk about this in an essay that I am writing.

(00:18:32):

But yeah, I broke up with my old therapist after seven years and it was...

(00:18:37):

weird.

(00:18:38):

Um, I really didn't handle it the right way.

(00:18:40):

Uh, but I did, you know, I did it the best that I could.

(00:18:43):

I think given the circumstances I did,

(00:18:45):

I did what I couldn't,

(00:18:46):

it was hard and painful,

(00:18:47):

but ultimately it was fine.

(00:18:49):

Um, and I've been working with a new therapist who I really love.

(00:18:53):

Um, and just, just kind of what more of what I need right now.

(00:18:55):

Um,

(00:18:57):

I'm forever grateful to my old therapist.

(00:18:59):

Like she taught me so fucking much.

(00:19:01):

It just got it just got time, you know, like therapists, like people and relationships and in any sort.

(00:19:08):

They're not meant to be there forever.

(00:19:10):

They're there to walk alongside you to help you get to kind of a baseline.

(00:19:15):

And once you have those tools for yourself, it it it turns out better and brighter.

(00:19:22):

So I'm extremely grateful for the seven years Saturn square of your astrologers.

(00:19:29):

You'll understand what that means.

(00:19:32):

The Saturn square of, of our working relationship together.

(00:19:36):

Yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's been beautiful and it's been painful and,

(00:19:40):

And breakups are hard, especially with, with like providers that you really trust.

(00:19:44):

Like,

(00:19:45):

and I know that therapists and part of like psychotherapy training is like talking

(00:19:49):

about the therapeutic relationship,

(00:19:51):

but this person was like,

(00:19:52):

this therapist of mine was kind of like a second mom in many ways.

(00:19:56):

And I think that's also why it was time to go.

(00:20:01):

Um, because I, I needed to spread my wings a little bit and focus on other stuff that they didn't, uh,

(00:20:11):

that she didn't necessarily have the expertise in.

(00:20:13):

Um, but I really love, I was also way too expensive.

(00:20:19):

She was out of pocket and I,

(00:20:20):

I could not shoulder like a one K plus still at the end of the month anymore.

(00:20:26):

Um,

(00:20:28):

I am really lucky that my family helped subsidize that for a long time,

(00:20:32):

but it just,

(00:20:34):

in the spirit of being healthy and having healthier relationships and boundaries

(00:20:37):

with everyone,

(00:20:38):

I just couldn't do it.

(00:20:39):

So yeah, it was a chapter closed and I'm

(00:20:43):

that is probably one of the longest relationships i've been in professionally um in

(00:20:47):

terms of like having a provider and i i talk about this a lot um second to toby

(00:20:53):

second to toby who is not uh my provider but my spouse um yes that's my spouse's

(00:20:59):

name um

(00:21:02):

Toby and I have been together for about a decade in September, which is crazy.

(00:21:10):

Given all the transition, basically... I'm going to jump around.

(00:21:13):

Given all the transition, Toby and I are actually going to go to upstate for...

(00:21:20):

for a weekend uh for a nice relaxing jaunt upstate i need to heal and be with

(00:21:25):

nature and scream into the abyss and hang out with goats and swim a little and be

(00:21:30):

in a sauna and have a massage and i'm very excited um and just to focus and and be

(00:21:38):

to be in nature i think will be

(00:21:40):

the most excited thing for me and and someone who grew up in in hawaii on an island

(00:21:45):

i always craved stimulation and travel and um adventure and now that i live in a

(00:21:53):

big city i'm just kind of like being i just want to be out in nature um i want to

(00:21:57):

be home in nature um

(00:21:59):

but I do love living in the city and I love our little house and the family I've

(00:22:04):

made and the connections I've made.

(00:22:05):

I think,

(00:22:07):

uh,

(00:22:07):

amidst transition,

(00:22:08):

one of the best parts of this has been relying on my friends and my,

(00:22:12):

my close chosen family and my friendships.

(00:22:15):

And I didn't realize that friends didn't love as hard as I did.

(00:22:20):

Um, which I know is weird.

(00:22:22):

I'm just very giving and generous to people.

(00:22:25):

And I think that's both a gift and a curse.

(00:22:27):

Um,

(00:22:29):

But...

(00:22:31):

you know, anyone I'd love, I'd do that shit for.

(00:22:33):

But I didn't realize not everyone's friendships were like that.

(00:22:37):

And I think I'm just very selective as well.

(00:22:38):

I don't, you know, it is a lot of energy to maintain those friendships.

(00:22:41):

And sometimes friend breakups are worse than regular breakups, like romantic breakups.

(00:22:50):

Certainly just as bad as, just as painful as therapist breakups too.

(00:22:56):

But I think over the years, I really decided to like,

(00:23:02):

keep my cards close to me.

(00:23:03):

And like, I really only give a shit of people will friendships, especially where they give a shit back.

(00:23:09):

And I also understand the ebbs and flows of time and, and space and distance.

(00:23:13):

And I'm a little more secure in my,

(00:23:16):

my relationships with my friends,

(00:23:19):

especially like my queer platonic friends.

(00:23:21):

platonic you know relationships um but sometimes they're hard the losses of them

(00:23:26):

are hard and you know as i mentioned earlier i had a bunch of friends that i

(00:23:30):

stopped being friends with because of the palestine situation and um it was hard

(00:23:37):

that was a really hard um i'm thinking of one friendship in particular is really

(00:23:41):

really really difficult for me um and yeah people don't get that but it's

(00:23:49):

It's rough.

(00:23:51):

But yeah.

(00:23:53):

So that's been my life so far.

(00:23:57):

25 minutes of this bullshit.

(00:24:01):

Does anyone even fucking care?

(00:24:02):

I don't know.

(00:24:05):

One thing I do want to say before I part is that like life is messy and things are complicated.

(00:24:10):

And despite all the pain that I'm going through,

(00:24:14):

I am still trying and it's hard for me to show compassion to myself in these times.

(00:24:18):

But it's like I hope that you can extend some loving kindness to yourself amongst

(00:24:23):

all the bullshit going on.

(00:24:25):

we're all going through it you don't know people's stories and don't assume and

(00:24:30):

it's just like take things easier and slower you don't have to rush things Mars is

(00:24:36):

in Taurus now for astrologers like you could just just truck on it's not a rest

(00:24:41):

it's more of like can you sustain the things that you are already working on can

(00:24:46):

you are you able to like push not push but like

(00:24:50):

are you able to like honor that thing that you're working on and those actions that

(00:24:55):

you're taking in an easeful way in a way where you can it's like small slow steady

(00:25:02):

steps instead of like rushing into it like i'm rushing into it like a mars aries

(00:25:06):

mars would right um yeah this feels good um

(00:25:15):

I'll leave you with that.

(00:25:16):

Just lead with love, everyone.

(00:25:18):

As always, from me, a very Venusian.

(00:25:21):

Very Marshall Venusian.

(00:25:24):

I think the most important thing is just to lead with love and,

(00:25:27):

you know,

(00:25:27):

get your feelings out privately.

(00:25:30):

But... And, you know, sometimes publicly.

(00:25:33):

Just be responsible about what you're saying and who... You know, I...

(00:25:37):

I'm an animist and a pantheist and part of that is really embracing the

(00:25:42):

relationships and being in right reciprocal relationships with the things and

(00:25:48):

people and entities that you are taking part with and in.

(00:25:56):

And that includes yourself, right?

(00:25:57):

Please take care of yourself.

(00:25:59):

Do things to honor your body.

(00:26:01):

Do things to honor yourself.

(00:26:04):

You are a

(00:26:07):

wonderful beautiful soul and thank you for listening to me bitch and hopefully you

(00:26:13):

like this email me back let me know if you listen to this shit i don't know uh

(00:26:18):

email me back on substack like let me know how this went if you want to see more of

(00:26:22):

it what you don't want to see if you don't want to see my stupid fate you know

(00:26:26):

just like let me know how this went and i would love to continue that conversation

(00:26:31):

with you all um have a great rest of your pride um free palestine be gay go go do

(00:26:40):

shit have fun love y'all bye