proof of life
alive and more of the same
I am alive and well.
Here are a list of things I’ve done in the last month to prove it:
Went to therapy every week, as scheduled, on time and didn’t lie or evade questions once.
Traveled to Arizona for work!
I presented two workshops, one about disability justice and the other about transformative justice (accountability and repair,) which feels strange but i am always so appreciative when people wanting to engage with my work. 🥹
Went on the first date I’ve been on in over a year (?) If not around a year or so.
Somehow got through an entire ketamine protocol without completely losing my mind (it helped my mental health for the better.)
Hung out with friends and loved ones while my body further decayed!
Returned to the kink scene/lifestyle after awhile through an intimate getaway, as a lower spoons effort to explore pleasure with people that proved comfortable.
Self-exploration through writing: another acceptance of a confessional tale (coming soon) and a repub of my subversive fairy tale stepsister’s days in a retirement home.
Quiet days in, reading or writing, sometimes playing video games, all while scrambling
Traveling through AZ, including doing a few beautiful walks in Sedona. I say walks because my spouse forced me to admit that i hate hiking. I am trying to like it but i have my reasons (and all of them involve my lack of coordination and my status as a big fall risk lol.)
I think part of this is rethinking how I best want to communicate with others. Do you like receiving things in your inbox from me? Is there a way that I can better interact with you that’s more sustainable? I have always been someone who prefers to sit with someone 1:1– in high school, a peer deemed my life “Sex and the City, without the Sex. And the City.” To which I responded, “So it’s just ‘and the?’” But I’ve always preferred more intimacy. I like the coziness of a 1:1 hangout because my attention isn’t fractured and split across multiple channels… I have a hard enough time concentrating on one thing, let alone being overwhelmed by sensory input.
I also want to keep things to myself and allow them to gestate before releasing them out into the world. My therapist challenged me to be more vulnerable and less performative, and my tender heart craves intimacy in those conditions. Large format essays feel overwhelming at the moment and I also don’t want to clog your inbox. What do you enjoy? No need to comment if you’re uncomfortable- reach out through text (if you know me personally) or email me back! I will usually respond within a week.
As an aside: Really cool things are happening behind the scenes and I need to honour my lack of capacity right now.
I’ll be back eventually x