notes š from my bed: stagnancy & slowing down (and have u wanted to work w me? TIME TO BOOK!)
When my father calls, I pick up within the first two rings. Not because I have a great relationship with him (Iād say weāre on the upswing right now) but because he does so sparingly. He is purposeful with his dialsā often timing it for an hour when Iāll be awake, or delaying a call for the next day. Receiving a phone call from him at 11:23 PM EDT, when I just saw him in the flesh a couple of months ago, is out of pocket. Either someone was dead (at least they didnāt hide it from me for two weeks this time,) or something equivalent. Thankfully, everyone is alive and the call was a great way to exacerbate my hypertension. š®āšØ While I love my aging parents, theyāre becoming more ungovernable in their twilight years. My folks make no apologies for who they are, and have earned a comfortable lifeā so thereās no more toiling or labour.
The onus is set upon me. A single phone call helped me untangle knotted and gnarled judgments and preconceived notions. It gave me more clarity into the imperfect ways adults relate to their grown children and vice versa. Along with my fatherās nose and cherubic face or my motherās undiagnosed ADHD and shopping addiction, I also inherited their complicated āØintergenerational trauma.āØ Which, please, my body is already trying to rest from keeping scoreā I canāt give much more.
And yet, somehow I find myself giving more than capacity.
Iām proud of what Iāve achieved, no matter how small. Over the long weekend, I helped organize and throw a drag brunch with APICHAās Project Connect and Queens Community House at an elementary school. I showed up after a cute night out with someone Iām seeing (yes, youāre probably reading this right now. Hi šš¼ Told you Iād be vague!) and less than five hours of sleep. (I was also incredibly grateful that the tea place I got a drink from in the morning decided to doubly caffeinate me.) It was a huge investment of time and material resources. And Iād do it again. Who can say they threw a daytime drag brunch at an elementary school? Now I can š®āšØ!
Truthfully, overextending myself comes second nature. I give so much of myself because I hope that my community will full-send it back to me when I need it. With my ongoing chronic illnesses, Iāve fully accepted my limitations and am aware that my schedule is structured to allow for processing and care. Instead of giving into the overwhelming capitalist sentiment of productivity, Iāve started to value rest and stagnancy as necessary. The most radical thing you can do now is advocate for more rest.
I know I havenāt been present in your inbox, dear sweaty crouton. But itās because life is worth living. Despite how crazy and stressful it is, I still find reasons to get up in the morning and live. Granted, my days are now filled with appointments with my trusted care team and balancing that with my duties. On top of that, the weight of my ambitions seems to be enough. Iām also dealing with aging parents who I have to re-parent, alongside managing my own familyās household. Suffice it to say: Thatās been a lot.
It feels imperative and counterintuitive to say that slowing down and resting helps, rather than hurts. Forcing myself to pause and take breaks instead of pushing through has provided clarity and ease. Itās a strange feeling, to know that rest provides more energy and clarity rather than bogs me down. Itās also helped me come into my own and help strategise my priorities.
And yes, one of those priorities IS writing! But more writing for everything, including a couple of big projects Iāve wanted to work on forever. So, thatās where Iām at! Iām attempting to be more creative and play around. Iām writing more and sharing it on other avenues that arenāt here! (If you do want to check out more of my publications in literary magazines, click here!) Iāll still write on Substack, but these emails will be less formal/more casual moving forward. Long-form content and essays will most likely be sent every so often, and not regularly. (Iām trying to sit on a lot of my work, letting it gestate and come into the world when itās ready.)
All this to say: Iām focusing on my health, well-being and alsoā¦ networking. This leads me to my next announcementā¦
Iām opening my books to new clients! š
While I wasnāt ever gone or closed officially, per se, I did realise that 90% of my clientele wanted me to meet them where theyāre at, and gently push them through their transitions. I offer peer support but for those who are aware of my previous occupation, youāll know that some of that peer support isā¦ magical šŖ in nature. With the holidays coming up and people having more time on their hands, Iāve decided to announce that I am holding a flash sale on bookings lol. (I need to contribute to my house, folks! I also miss working with clients lol.)
āØPRICINGāØ
You can book me for one question/topic for 30 minutes, the sliding scale rate is $50-100, while 60 minutes (my standard) is $80-225. My clients, who are normally also QTBIPOC, tend to pay an average of $150/hr for my time and with the cost of living in NYCā I am truly appreciative of the work weāve done together.
E-mail me here if youāre interested, or check out my website for offerings and testimonials.
Here is one of the nice things someone has said about me back when I was more public about my consulting!
Itās strange to advertise myself in my newsletter, but Iām excited to hold space for people (whether through practical means or something more woo) again and Iāll be doing it two days a week. š®āšØ For those in need, I am also holding four spots/readings per month for QTBIPOC for a Pay What You Can, 45-minute session so HMU if youāre one of those. (Honor system, for people who canāt afford my sliding scale rates too)
So yes, if you want me to hold space for youā¦ HMU! I work with all budgets and do payment plans. I just want to make sure people who are interested know that Iām offering this up againā¦ but we can also talk about real tangible things like getting you healthcare and healthier ways to communicate discomfort and hard things with your loved ones.
Anyway, Iām writing this missive from my bed (again) because my tummy problems got the best of me (againā¦ as they always do.) I hope you all have a very happy Venus day and try to get some rest. š®āšØ Off to finish a bunch of work I have piled upā¦
thanks for your care and patience with me as I figure out my L I F E š
As always, I appreciate your support. If you like my content, consider upgrading your subscription to a patron/paid level so that I can live lol, or book a consult with me š®āšØ
I love you all, sweaties
xo